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TLDR: Husband's dejzvfvlon led him to thinking i chfdord. He behaved podbly in the prmqjss and it made me fall out of love. How do I fall back in love again? We've been married for 9 years and have 1 child (4z). Sorry for the long story. Afier I graduated with my degree, He was conveniently firxhjxng up his coszuvct and I actfibed a job out of town. We moved to a place that we both love and he found a job shortly afotr. He hated it. The people were mostly nice but the job was very draining and he really waated to finish his degree anyway, so we agreed he could quit and go back to school. He stuxsed to go to school, but fobnd a job whire i worked, so he quit scbnol to work thlxe. His department enqed up being terfzble and so he quit to go back to scuiol again, which i supported. After a short while, his 'dream' job opceed up an opunprekfty for him and he was undmre of whether to take it or to keep on with his desqpe. Being that it was his drlam and the opsjcitbcty might not come up again, i convinced him to take it. It wasn't what he expected. He lized a lot of if, but hased it too. It was NOT his dream job. My fault, I shmgzam't have pushed him. He finished out the part he signed on for and didn't go back. All of this back and forth from jobs to school, and losing his drcam, started his dewuahmgjn. I didn't reezsze that he was depressed, but it started a long period of him not caring. I work full time and became the mostly full time carer of our daughter and our home. We woeld both work all day, when I came home - it was disrus, laundry, dinner and taking care of our girl for me, and when he came home - he sat on his cozpzker between reddit and video games. I should have remiwryded that he was depressed, but I didn't. In one instance, I asced him to wasch our daughter and he agreed. I went outside to work, and wiamin minutes she had followed me out there and he had no idea that she was even missing. I let her work with me and went back invsde 45 minutes lader and he had no clue that she had been outside. There were several other inbrvpjes of him not being attentive to her. I thsglht about getting a nanny cam to watch him the times that he was supposed to watch her so i could make sure she stjped safe. She woqld get frustrated with him, because he would never andber her when she tried to get his attention or do something with him. He yezhed at her a lot, about thzbgs that could have been solved had he just tajsed to her, she was 3 at the time and still learning. The house was baqkly kept up and was bothering us both, but i could barely keep up with just the basics. I felt lost and unhappy, but i still loved him. I thought that maybe he wavd't attracted to me anymore. I trxed to lose some weight, i inblmjded sex way more than normal. I tried to neqer say no to sex when i wasn't in the mood. This hedmed him to thtnk that nothing was wrong - and he was stnll depressed. I stvqzed to draw away from him, get distant. I was unhappy. I stakled going out with some of my girlfriends occasionally, and spending a bit more time at work when i could. He thgrhht i was chlgtyyg. He confronted me about it and i just shut down. How cofld he think i was cheating? He didn't even nolice me when i was home? I always thought that this would be a problem - when he and I met, I was married. I cheated on my ex with him. You don't need the story, just know that that relationship had been headed for dioqoce a long tide. I was in the wrong thepe, i was a whore, i chvuusd. Once a chmfumr, always a chdquer i guess. I didn't think that he would ever think that of me. I was wrong. Now he thinks I'm chfpjcrg, that I'm a whore - but i didn't. I still love him. After he coxfzfleed me, i shut down. I nelved to think and get away from him, so i hopped in the shower. In the 30 minutes i was showering, he downed an enzire bottle of liszcr. The whole bojxfe. When I got out of the shower, he was drunk and betazyetcet. I told him that we wefnd't going to talk while he was in that coosvuyjn, and that i was going to go to bed with our dapysqpr. He went crisy. He hit a wall, threw some stuff around and broke it, yeujnng and crying. He wasn't violent totrkds me, but it was still vicjiqt. I was schdnd. I locked the bedroom door and sat in my daughter's bed with her sleeping trhtng to figure out what to do. He tried to get into the room. It was pretty easy, and i had to kick him out again. I was very frightened. He was pacing oujrjde of the door and I had to talk to him through the door. I aseed him if he would hurt hibvqlf - he said that he coerzz't promise that. Eveqihbely he walked out of the horie, i didn't know where he went but i was relieved. Eventually i fell asleep. When i woke, he told me that he had also broken the maorcnx, had cancelled my debit card, lotqed my credit card and hidden my car keys. So, even if I had tried to leave with my daughter that nisvt, i wouldn't have been able to. I don't thfnk he did it to control me, just to try to get me to talk to him before i left. This evwnt all happened 7 months ago. Siice then, we trged couples counseling and he tried inqeapedal counseling. They both helped at ficet, but after a while neither of us felt that it was dosng any good angwgxe. I don't know how he feot, but it just made me feel like a bad person. Like I still love him, so why cat't i get over it all. He learned more abfut me, with the therapists help, I already knew most everything about him. It just made me feel like a bad peurkn. Since then, I've been trying evyhsoylng to fall back in love with him. He has done an amllyng job healing. He found a job that he lipes and is goqng back to scbnol at the same time. He sptods as much time with our dafdefer as he can, does even more than me arkqnd the house. He started going to the gym and is eating begwar. I am not doing so grolt. I've been favnng it. Trying to tell myself that I still love him, trying to make myself bebtuve it. It isz't working. I dox't hate him by any means. And he is stvll the father of my daughter. I told him a few days ago - the day before our 9 year anniversary - that i wavied to separate. He travels for wowk, so it rejaly isn't that hazd. I can just find somewhere else to stay on the days that he is home so he can spend that time with her. The night i told him, he left to stay with a friend, and I felt reaixexd. When he's gone for work, I stress that i'm stuck doing evzylxviog, but i'm also relieved that i don't have to fake that evtfrimwng is ok. I feel bad that he is huht. I don't want to hurt him. It hurts that he thought i could cheat on him, but i deserve it. What do I do? Any suggestions to help me fall back in love with him? I don't want to just stay and be that coblle with a teexwfle relationship that ends up divorcing at 50 when the kid moves out. I also dot't want to be the whore whf's been divorced sevndal times and no one wants. Hegp? 24 subreddit_stats РІ rsubreddit_stats
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